Friday, October 14, 2011

Loose Spring

Adrianna slouched down in the gold backed chair, neatly tied off in rosy taffeta, watching her younger sister twirl on the dance floor with her new husband; swirls of soft white whispered around their feet as he turned her this way and that.  And she always followed.

Tradition and family were what her mother lived for and Adrianna’s lack of a husband was a sore spot.  She loved her family; pleasing them had always been a priority before.  Watching her family dance, she could see the cogs of time turning, each sprocket playing its part to keep everything moving smoothly.  But, she felt like she was a spring sprung loose.

Abruptly, she skirted her way to the door, colliding with her baby brother.

“Adrianna!  Where you goin’?!”

“There’s somewhere I have to be.  Cover for me, ‘kay Matty?”

She didn’t wait for Matteo to respond.  Instead, she picked up her pace while he stared on.

She didn’t dare slow down, not when she left the hotel, not when she reached her car, not when she sped through downtown, not even when she whipped her black Jetta into the back lot, behind her destination.

Pushing through the covered glass door, setting the bell to ringing, she entered, determined to dance to her own music.

Pulling a worn, folded up printout from her small pink satin bridesmaid purse she handed it to the artist.  She sat, watching as a permanent reminder of what she wanted was etched and inked into the inside of her wrist.

Living life the way the rest of her siblings are, getting married, birthing a half dozen babies each, was not for her.  She was ready to walk her own path.

It's all about the tattoo this week at Write on Edge.  And while Adrianna might not be the only one of the four with a tat, this is her first.

If you're new here, I sometimes share a little fiction and Adrianna is one of four women with a kindred friendship.  If you have been reading along, you might have caught glimpses of her in Home and Time to Tell.

We had a 300 word limit for this round of writing.  Initially, I went way over, so I've edited out a lot.  Did I pull off this flash fiction, though it's part of a larger story?


  1. Definitely you pulled it off! Even though you say you edited, you managed to tell a complete story, paint a complete picture, right down to her black Jetta. Nicely done!

  2. I think it's good to pull out a quick excerpt from a piece. You don't need every detail, and it forces you to make decisions about what's important. I think this read just fine!

  3. I absolutely think this read well! I like the image of her in her bridesmaid's dress, sitting in a tattoo parlor.

  4. That was wonderful! You really brought me into the story, wanting to know just what she was up to!

    Thanks for sharing...

  5. I totally love it. I've actually thought a lot about an inkless tattoo, so I was drawn in there. Well done.

  6. Pulling stuff out is always okay. It still read well. And besides, no one says you can't put it back in if you ever finish off the complete story :)

  7. I really dig this... and I think you did a great job. I definitely want to read more of the story!

  8. I love the small focused moment here- it pushes your story -and your character development- forward.

    I I thought the dialogue rang especially true!

  9. I'm so pleasantly distracted by the inkless tattoo!

    But we've been so focused on Maggie, it's nice to scratch beneath the surface of Adrianna, too!

  10. Fantastic! I love the line... "Pulling a worn, folded up printout from her small pink satin bridesmaid purse she handed it to the artist." Such a wonderful image as well as meaningful line - that she'd been carrying this for so long.
    Great motivation for us all to LOVE LIFE!

  11. Love your definition of time craft! Nice post. :)


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