Thursday, July 21, 2011

Getting There...

Swinging her bag onto her shoulder, she grabbed her keys and booked it to catch the train.
Maggie left her car at Jack’s last night.  They had been celebrating a friend’s birthday.  The party was still in full swing when she scrambled to catch the last train to get her home.  She knew she had been in no condition to get behind the wheel and thankfully, still had a clear enough head to know staying the night would have been just as reckless.
It was early when she got back to Jack’s.  She quietly got behind the wheel, not really wanting to see exactly who had made the choice to stay last night.
Maggie was meeting her girlfriends for a weekend getaway.  It had been a whole year since they had all escaped for a weekend together.  It had been too long for her, but she knew she was a good part of the reason why.
A quick stop for her share of the food and the drive south sent the familiar terrain whipping by.

Maggie would have much preferred to daydream about where she might take her life next to pass the miles she still had to go.  Instead, she heard herself telling her friends that she was too busy to get away for a weekend with them all last year.  She knew her disappearance would either be the topic of conversation this weekend or a horribly huge elephant left to lumber around the room.
The smooth pavement transitioned to crunchy gravel which gave way to sand.  She cut her engine and climbed out of the jeep at her old beach house.  Leaving everything, but her camera, she walked around the house, sighing when she saw the peeling paint.  Painting would certainly be in her future.
Maggie was out on the beach, barefoot and snapping frame after frame of the sea lions bobbing through the waves when Cassie came up behind her.
Cass wrapped her arm around Maggie’s shoulder, not saying a word.
Maggie didn’t dare risk looking at her friend’s face, afraid of what she would see.
So sorry, Cass.
You’re here now, Mags.  I don’t care about the rest.  We’ve missed you.  We don’t work without you.
Still…..but yea, lesson learned.
Maggie couldn’t believe how easy Cassie was being on her.  She knew it was a gift, one worth taking.


Angela and Galit are our Guest Hosts at The Red Dress Club this week and are prompting us to "write a short fiction or non-fiction piece inspired by any or all of the photo below. Word limit: 400 words"

I have a little fiction & a new character to share with you, Maggie.  Cassie is the woman in my last two Red Writing Hood pieces, first in R.S.V.P. and then in Kick Ass Shoes.  I finally named her!  What do you think?

photography Pictures, Images and Photos

12 comments:

  1. I love it!! I want to know more. "a horribly huge elephant"<<<This is great!! I can see a horribly huge elephant in my head. I can see The smooth pavement transitioned to crunchy gravel which gave way to sand. too!

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  2. Good for her for this:

    "thankfully, still had a clear enough head to know staying the night would have been just as reckless."

    (not everyone would have been so clear-headed!)

    I can't wait to read more about her!

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  3. Eek! I LOVE this! I love her and can't wait to learn more about her story!

    My favorite line? Is lesson learned. Kidding!

    I adore the gift worth taking- so very true, so very relatable!

    XO

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  4. Now there's a white elephant waiting to be flushed out... why has she been hiding from her friends, and why is she still hiding behind a lens?

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  5. So Cassie is the one pregnant, right?

    I read your other 2 pieces to catch up on the story. I like how it's going.

    This piece could be stronger with some editing. There are things we don't really need that just bog down the flow a little.

    I look forward to seeing how Maggie fits into this...and who is Jack?

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  6. I am intrigued. What happened with Maggie - I want to know. That huge elephant totally drew me in and I want to know more about what happened, about Maggie and about her friends.

    Such strong writing.

    Visiting from TRDC.

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  7. I really like this character and I definitely want to know more about her and why she's been avoiding her friends. Very intriguing, looking forward to more.

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  8. Oh how great!!! I was so interested and forgot where I was! Love it that you're having fun!
    Cheers,
    Holly

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  9. This piece had nice pacing. I was swept along in it. You told us a lot of what was going on in your character's mind. I wonder, could you have shown us more of it with her actions? Her words? A good example of where you did this really where is here: "She cut her engine and climbed out of the jeep at her old beach house. Leaving everything, but her camera, she walked around the house, sighing when she saw the peeling paint." I could get a lot about where she was just by what she was doing. You really didn't need the next sentence--she would be painting... These are all fairly technical writing critiques I'm offering. You did a wonderful job creating interest and mystery. I think showing your characters feelings more than telling them, only increases that talent.

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  10. I like the names, very much! - I'm here, as always, begging for MORE! Such a compelling foundation!

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  11. I like your writing style very much! This is a story I want to read more about...,my mind is all over the place trying to figure out what the elephant in the room is!

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